Thursday, August 10, 2017

Building a Strong Marriage (Part Seven)

Building Block of Communication

Words give life into any relationship and words can kill. God desires for us to use our mouth to speak life to everyone we communicate with especially our spouse. Proverbs 18:20-21 inform us “A man’s stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth; from the produce of his lips he shall be filled. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Matthew 12:36-37 stresses to us just how important our words are to God, “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the Day of Judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” 

As a husband or a wife, I need to understand the power of my words. We often think that words simply evaporate, but words having a lasting impact that may affect us for years. Words spoken reveal the heart, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Our words can never replace genuine and sincere actions! The tongue is a powerful tool that makes a profound impact (James 3). If a marriage is going to be built on solid ground the concrete that helps hold things together is communication!

It is no secret that for the most part women need detailed communication, much more than men! Men and women hear through our different needs. A woman hears through her primary need for security and love. A wife needs to know her husband is tuned in, when she sense that her husband is tuned out she is hearing insecurity! A man hears through his primary need for honor and respect. For him to open up and talk the husband has to feel honor and esteem. This type of communication takes work, we need to make sure the communication lines are open and that the signals are not getting jammed! What are some signals of communication we can send to our spouse?

1. Show that we Care by the way we communicate, by our body language, our eyes, our tone of voice and even posture. We need to give eye contact to our mat when they are speaking and respond kindly.

2. Give Praise by using a positive tone. Just as the Psalmist entered into His gates with thanksgiving and into His courts with praise, we too need to enter into one another’s hearts with praise (Psalm 100:4)! We need to work on saying negative things in a positive way because negativity destroys marriages!

3. Be truthful. Honesty is an essential foundation of intimacy and trust. We are instructed to “Let not mercy and truth forsake you” (Prov. 3:3) and to “speak the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15). Marriages that have lost this element are on a slippery lope!

4. Have faith in God. We have to believe that the Lord is able to work in the heart our spouse. The Lord is able to change the heart of any of us, but he may want to use your behavior to do it in your marriage. Peter speaks of a woman who communicates from the heart, from a “hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which a very precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:4). We don’t have to be the enforcer in our marriages, we only need to be the channel that communicates love by how we say what we say!

5. We must surrender our mouths. We must decide that our mouth is going to be God’s mouth and dedicate it to Him. We can begin to do this by what we put into our hearts for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks! 

Tim Hadley Sr.

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